Limited 2.

Oh my poor neglected readers, how I've missed you so. I don't have any updates on my laptop charger so please bare with me popping out posts randomly for now. I have like 3 drafts on other blog topics  like going to protests, cosplay controversies, and those darn con reviews that don't seem to be happening....but yeah all that's going on in my drive but today I thought I'd just actually blog about how I'm doing instead. Hope I won't be a bore to you all!

Today was actually calm and relaxing (which is how I'm having time to write this) but as I was being very lazy I got into some pretty Carrie Bradshaw kind of thinking....

So if you couldn't figure out from my last post, I ended my "non-official-yet-pretty-intimate kind" of relationship recently and it's been a couple of weeks since the legitimate "break up". I feel pretty okay as of now. In efforts to try to speed up the recovery, I kind of hopped to mingling with guys not too long after. No luck yet but I'm kind of finding a pattern in both my past and current interactions with guys and I feel like I have this weird sign on my forehead or something that says I can only be a...

(Like how I'm in space?!?!?! HAHAHA I'm sorry I forgot how fun this editor is...anyways..)

But yeah I dunno if anyone out there is having this issue or if it's a gender thing or a generation thing but a lot of guys I'm interested in either see me as this girl they wanna only want to sleep with or this girl they want to only be buddies with. It's weird because I use to just only get put into the friendzone; I was practically queen of the place. One of my male best friends even had to explain to me that some girls just give off different vibes when you meet them and that I've always just had a "friend vibe". As I grew older with that in mind and tried to experiment with my image whole I started going out more and becoming more independent, I began experience a lot more of guys wanting to only have constant sex with me. Now, I'm not talking about the cliche guy from the bar hitting on you all night for a one night stand scenario, I'm talking about guys actually getting to know me by talking for weeks and we'd go through that crush phase then all of a sudden they'd just only talk about sex with me. Is this normal now? Am I the weird one? 

So I thought about it for awhile.What was I doing that gave these signals saying "I'm not the girlfriend type"?And I realized... is it because I'm comfortable talking about sex? Now I'm not the kind of girl that brags about her dirty history to everyone but I'm not afraid to talk about the subject openly either. Why should I be? For the record, this isn't the only thing I talk about when talking to anyone. I talk about food and geeky shit and tell stories but it's just once we get on this subject it either goes to one or the other of these directions. Girls have sex and, surprise, enjoy it and crave it too....a lot. Just as much as society assumes men do sometimes. There's nothing wrong with that. Just because a girl can talk about sex without feeling ashamed about it, doesn't mean she's a nymphomaniac without any standards. Ladies, please don't be embarrassed of your sexuality and please don't ever be embarrassed if you choose to practice abstinence either. Sex is something sacred but it's okay to express your thoughts and opinions on it naturally as well.

But maybe that's not even the case for anyone or me. It was really the only connection I could make. What do I do if that was the case anyway? Stop talking about it? Just accept my fate as being a friend with or without benefits? I actually really don't have a solution this time..I think it's all just a part of this strange time of self discovery in life right now. Maybe you all can a better scope about me than I do? Share opinions or experiences and comment below! Or if you happen to kneel what Sex in the City episode this is similar to, lemme know! 

Thanks for reading & staying your amazing selves! 

Ut Libre Avem.

"as free as a bird" 

Happy Hump Day, y'all!! Hahaha This week's been both peaceful yet chaotic for me. I feel like I'm actually making progress fixing up my room yet I'm dealing with a lot of siblings drama on the side but everything's pretty okay as of right now. So, last last Sunday I got a tattoo! It's my third tattoo and it's was actually finishing up a piece I've had in my head since about 2 years ago.

I originally got my little bird when I was 19 years old and now at 22 I completed whole shebang by adding the bird cage. Whenever people ask me, "what does it mean?" I usually just answer freedom because I'm a very lazy person but I will tell you how in depth this tattoo means to me, my dear readers. 

I wanted a bird in flight after breaking out of its cage. It isn't the typical bird flying out of one tattoo. There's not doors open, this bird fought to get out of this pretty cage. It lost blood and feathers to fly away, powered through the pain to be free.

 That's what life is about for me. I realized at a really young age freedom is what will make me fully happy. When I first thought of the tattoo, I felt like I was constricted by my past of a very chaotic family history and bonded by a lot of expectations and responsibilities by other people. People expected me to be this cute, shy little innocent girl, to take care of them, to be obedient, to try harder, etc. I'm sure everyone's been in that position before and you just kind of go with everyone's flow at the time because you don't really know who you are yet. Let's be honest, I feel that way right now too. 

And that's why I got it for times like that. When I look down and see my bird it reminds me that my actions are my choice. People will want me to do this or not, but at the end of the day, I'm the only one accountable for me and I'm the only one controlling my life. When I see the cage part it reminds me of what I had to do to get to where I am and what I do not want to go through again or become. That's my freedom for now; knowing that I am making decisions for me and being confident that following my heart will lead me the right way. 

WOW, how cheesy was this post?! HAHA but then again, a lot of my other post were probably just as cheesy. There you go, that's the hidden meaning behind one of my tattoos. I have another one on my back and plan to get more. I feel like a lot of tattoos gotta have these big cheeseball meanings to a person though because that's what makes them important enough to needle ink into your skin forever. Clearly, a lot of people don't have that logic but that's what I believe in. The best part about tattoos are the stories behind them after all. If you have one, please share OR if you're planning to get one share! OR if you're planning to get one and live in Southern California near Los Angeles, tell me! My tattoo artist is my cousin and can hook you up! If you have an instagram, check him out at @jpillosartsb! YAY unplanned promoting all of a sudden so I dunno how to end this smoothly! YAY!