It's half past 3AM and if I were to be up this late, there are million things I should be doing instead of writing this blog post yet here I am writing.
It's been a long long long few months of being off here and I think I just needed the time to figure things out? I mean I honestly just got caught up with life. It's weird though like I felt like I was always working hard for a certain outcome but I still had no sense of direction.
Not much has improve but I do a bit of a clue now! I think...kinda...?
Point is I am back, but starting over. As much as I liked writing aimlessly on whatever the hell goes on in my brain; this blog will be totally just for the cosplayer side of me. I don't really wanna be seen as another one of "those girls" who cosplay to try to get some fame out of it but I honestly made this decision because for awhile now that's all I ever want to talk about...all the time. It's crazy how much I think about cosplaying, and I didn't even realize it before! I guess you could say I'm obsessed but at least it's not drugs! (?) Ultimately though, I just wanted somewhere where I'd be able to talk about it as much as I want to anyone that wants to listen just like all bloggers out there.
Yeah, sure, I have friends to go to but the resistance to post your work in progress pics more than once a day or talk about future plans or other nerdy things every hour is getting really hard. That's why there's the rest of the internet to barf my ideas and words too! I can't promise consistency anymore but all I know is that I get pretty chatty about things I'm passionate about! Hehehehee
Other than that I don't really have any other updates in my life. It's my senior year of college this fall so that should mean I have more time. Work is...work. Most of my struggle is just money and time to myself as per usual. Everything is chaotic yet calm in my life.
This weekend I'll be attending Anime California! My third and last con of the summer. It's totally different from my other two, but it should be fun. I got good company and my costumes kind of in control so it's all good. Haha I'll be writing a review on it once I can! So YAY I ACTUALLY WROTE SOMETHING. More to come~!
Showing posts with label girl. Show all posts
Showing posts with label girl. Show all posts
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Cosplay Confession Bear.
Heyyy y'all heyyyy!
Haha I have like 7 drafts that all start out with "I'm so sorry I haven't posted! Things have become so hectic keeping up with work and school" because..well..it's all true! But I think about what to blog about all the time so please don't think I've forgotten about you! If I weren't so swamped with art projects, papers, and working I would write more so please be patient with my posts.
Well, what I wanted to talk about today is something really personal and a little bit more serious than how I usually write I guess. If you don't remember in my previous post about Anime Expo, I like to cosplay. I've been doing it ever since I was in middle school and still have a lot improve on as a cosplayer. The next upcoming con in Southern California is Stan Lee's Comikaze and so I was really eager to dive into my next project. After the ritual of character hopping, I finally settled on two choices: Miss America Chavez of the current comic book series, Young Avengers or a USO girl from the Captain America movie.
I really wanted to cosplay Miss America the moment I bought my Young Avenger's issue #1. I remember staring at my Bryan Lee O'Malley variant cover and saying "I hope she's cool because I'd cosplay her!" And to no surprise, Miss America is one fucking badass. I actually feel like she stands for a lot of attributes that are lacking in heroines in American comics. Not only is she one of the few female heroes that isn't in a tight bodysuit or an un-realistic, over-exposed outfit, but she is also one of the few super heroes of Hispanic decent. She has a tough exterior and a fuck-you attitude; what's not to admire about that? Plus, Young Avengers is really good series! I'm still in the middle of reading at the moment and ideally, this cosplay is a lot easier and less costly on time and money.
A USO girl is not one specific character but it's basically the dancer outfit during the traveling Captain America shows in the movie. The costume is shown above behind Chris Evans. I thought they were so cute when I first saw it in theaters and I love doing pin-up hair! Although this cosplay would have less pieces, it's pretty difficulty to make and would actually need help from my friend to make the skirt but still really cute nonetheless.
Okay, even after describing both those choices I think it's pretty clear that Miss America sounds like the better option especially with my busy schedule. But for some reason, I felt really uncomfortable that it's not a very feminine/revealing cosplay...The friend I'm going is also going to be cosplaying as Psylocke from X-Men (X-Force) and that made me feel really weird. I started debating with myself, saying "okay, if you go as Miss America, you're not gonna get as many pictures but that's okay". Then, suddenly, I just started crying... Flashbacks of my early years of cosplaying and I remember feeling so insecure and hated myself so harshly. It was a bit intense.
There are probably a good amount of articles out there about cosplay struggles because it's a hobby where someone is going to put you down for anything about you or your costume. "Too fat", "too slutty", "too dark skinned", "not even accurate", "too old" "too ugly", and the list goes on and on. I'm pretty lucky that it's been a long time since I've gotten a rude comment told to my face. I can't speak for everyone but what actually use to hurt a lot when I was younger was just that I felt like there was an unspoken competition to get the most pictures. Obviously, the better your cosplay is, the more pictures you're going to get. I hated that I put in so much time and hard work into my costumes but my friends that could pull off the skimpier cosplays got bucketloads more praise than I ever did. It sounds completely stupid. Even just writing it out feels stupid because I feel like i'm just whining over not getting enough attention but I never realized how much it actually influences me. I felt like I wasn't good enough for this group where I felt the most accepted in and that I never was going to be. What sucks even more is that no one's at fault here. It's not my friends' fault for picking those characters, they should cosplay whoever they want and show off what they got. It's not other con-goers fault for admiring, you can't just come in like a wrecking ball and force people to like you. That's just how things are.
I started feeling even worse because I felt like it was all in my head. So, I started texting one of my best friends for some support. He said that my feelings were completely understandable but also made me realize that a big part of cosplay is "pandering to the male ego". We don't want to accept it because we like to believe that we've progressed so much since the days of women being property, and we have, but there's still a lot of work to be done. Shortly after, he add that even though things are that way, it shouldn't stop me. Things can't be changed over night but he was right and I shouldn't be buying into that mainstream-patriarchy-perfectionist bullshit if I don't want to. You won't always fit into what everyone finds ideal but you have control of how you feel and what you think of yourself. You even have the control to change that parts you don't like about you.The reason why cosplayers cosplay is because you get to be whoever you want to be and that's what makes it fun. I came a long way in confidence level since those early years and it'd be a shame for me to ruin all of that just because silly comparisons. This is what should be motivating me to do better!
So with that said, I chose Miss America and have finally got all my supplies to make it. I'm also really just trying to do well in anything that I want to succeed in and change things that I'm not happy about. I hope that if anyone else in the cosplay community or any cons feels a bit less stressed after reading this because for every one person hating on your costume, there are proudly thrice as much loving it! Including me! By Saturday I shall be ready so look out for me Comikaze!!!
Haha I have like 7 drafts that all start out with "I'm so sorry I haven't posted! Things have become so hectic keeping up with work and school" because..well..it's all true! But I think about what to blog about all the time so please don't think I've forgotten about you! If I weren't so swamped with art projects, papers, and working I would write more so please be patient with my posts.
Well, what I wanted to talk about today is something really personal and a little bit more serious than how I usually write I guess. If you don't remember in my previous post about Anime Expo, I like to cosplay. I've been doing it ever since I was in middle school and still have a lot improve on as a cosplayer. The next upcoming con in Southern California is Stan Lee's Comikaze and so I was really eager to dive into my next project. After the ritual of character hopping, I finally settled on two choices: Miss America Chavez of the current comic book series, Young Avengers or a USO girl from the Captain America movie.
I really wanted to cosplay Miss America the moment I bought my Young Avenger's issue #1. I remember staring at my Bryan Lee O'Malley variant cover and saying "I hope she's cool because I'd cosplay her!" And to no surprise, Miss America is one fucking badass. I actually feel like she stands for a lot of attributes that are lacking in heroines in American comics. Not only is she one of the few female heroes that isn't in a tight bodysuit or an un-realistic, over-exposed outfit, but she is also one of the few super heroes of Hispanic decent. She has a tough exterior and a fuck-you attitude; what's not to admire about that? Plus, Young Avengers is really good series! I'm still in the middle of reading at the moment and ideally, this cosplay is a lot easier and less costly on time and money.
A USO girl is not one specific character but it's basically the dancer outfit during the traveling Captain America shows in the movie. The costume is shown above behind Chris Evans. I thought they were so cute when I first saw it in theaters and I love doing pin-up hair! Although this cosplay would have less pieces, it's pretty difficulty to make and would actually need help from my friend to make the skirt but still really cute nonetheless.
Okay, even after describing both those choices I think it's pretty clear that Miss America sounds like the better option especially with my busy schedule. But for some reason, I felt really uncomfortable that it's not a very feminine/revealing cosplay...The friend I'm going is also going to be cosplaying as Psylocke from X-Men (X-Force) and that made me feel really weird. I started debating with myself, saying "okay, if you go as Miss America, you're not gonna get as many pictures but that's okay". Then, suddenly, I just started crying... Flashbacks of my early years of cosplaying and I remember feeling so insecure and hated myself so harshly. It was a bit intense.
There are probably a good amount of articles out there about cosplay struggles because it's a hobby where someone is going to put you down for anything about you or your costume. "Too fat", "too slutty", "too dark skinned", "not even accurate", "too old" "too ugly", and the list goes on and on. I'm pretty lucky that it's been a long time since I've gotten a rude comment told to my face. I can't speak for everyone but what actually use to hurt a lot when I was younger was just that I felt like there was an unspoken competition to get the most pictures. Obviously, the better your cosplay is, the more pictures you're going to get. I hated that I put in so much time and hard work into my costumes but my friends that could pull off the skimpier cosplays got bucketloads more praise than I ever did. It sounds completely stupid. Even just writing it out feels stupid because I feel like i'm just whining over not getting enough attention but I never realized how much it actually influences me. I felt like I wasn't good enough for this group where I felt the most accepted in and that I never was going to be. What sucks even more is that no one's at fault here. It's not my friends' fault for picking those characters, they should cosplay whoever they want and show off what they got. It's not other con-goers fault for admiring, you can't just come in like a wrecking ball and force people to like you. That's just how things are.
I started feeling even worse because I felt like it was all in my head. So, I started texting one of my best friends for some support. He said that my feelings were completely understandable but also made me realize that a big part of cosplay is "pandering to the male ego". We don't want to accept it because we like to believe that we've progressed so much since the days of women being property, and we have, but there's still a lot of work to be done. Shortly after, he add that even though things are that way, it shouldn't stop me. Things can't be changed over night but he was right and I shouldn't be buying into that mainstream-patriarchy-perfectionist bullshit if I don't want to. You won't always fit into what everyone finds ideal but you have control of how you feel and what you think of yourself. You even have the control to change that parts you don't like about you.The reason why cosplayers cosplay is because you get to be whoever you want to be and that's what makes it fun. I came a long way in confidence level since those early years and it'd be a shame for me to ruin all of that just because silly comparisons. This is what should be motivating me to do better!
So with that said, I chose Miss America and have finally got all my supplies to make it. I'm also really just trying to do well in anything that I want to succeed in and change things that I'm not happy about. I hope that if anyone else in the cosplay community or any cons feels a bit less stressed after reading this because for every one person hating on your costume, there are proudly thrice as much loving it! Including me! By Saturday I shall be ready so look out for me Comikaze!!!
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